In the real world, most people don’t tend to give in to inappropriate impulses, such as murder and mayhem. But the plastic world of barbies is a different reality, in which there are no inappropriate behaviors. So it came to be, on a sunny day in the woods, that a group of barbies rid their reality of the tweeting twit, the ultimate Mean Girl, the poorly dressed, overly made-up, slutty-haired, ugly-shoed, blackberry-toting, empty-headed, under-the-bus-throwing, excessively-whining bitch from hell. They told her multiple times to sit down and suddup, but she was too busy whining and preening to listen. They threw her fuck-me boots in the creek, but that didn’t stop her. They finally decided that the only way to shut her up was to take her out, remove her permanently from plasticland. And so it was, in fine, violent fairy tale fashion, that they freed plastic Barbieland from She Whose Mouth Never Closed.
If even plastic violence disturbs you, then you might want to skip this blog entry.
While Sarah barbie was preening and practicing her latest speech, chock full of also, too, and you betcha, the other barbies launched their plan. While one of them kept a lookout and helped them line up their rock correctly, the other barbies huffed and puffed as the rock slid slowly closer to the cliff. Sarah barbie tweeted, oblivious to approaching mayhem teetering above her.
“You’ve almost got it!” lookout barbie said. “One more push!”
“Woohoo!” Cries of joy rang out.
“Did we get her?”
“Perfect shot!”
“~~Ding dong, the twit is dead, the wicked ol’ twit, the evil twit! Ding dong, the evil twit is deeeeaaad!~~”
High-fives all around as two of the barbies decide to cover the face of the pitbull with lipstick so they never have to see it again.
And the villagers rejoiced.
Ding dong, the bitch is dead.
And the sun shines brighter in plastic barbieland. The villagers proclaim that blackberries and fuck-me boots are banned forever from their land. The birds sing sweetly in the trees.
~ The End ~
Now that’s a plastic fairy tale I can believe in! There wasn’t even any blood – but I think I can see slime all over the Sarah barbie where she got smashed.
We all need a few fairy tales to believe in.
I’m sitting here laughing my head off.
Wonderful therapy for you.
Great fun for us.
Only thing missing in my mind is a David Letterman doll surrounded by the Palin killer hero barbies. What a celebration!
I lack doll “extras.” I don’t even have a Ken. In addition to my herd of barbies, I have a one legged Ann Coulter doll and a 5-inch high Freud. I also have a one legged barbie and a headless barbie. I lack props too, and barbie clothes lean toward the Sarah Palin bad taste type.
blackberries and fuck-me boots are banned forever from their land
I didn’t catch that first time around! LMAO!
Well, my dear you must invest in a male barbies. Think of the hours of fun you could have. I see a continuation of prop 8 coming… and maybe a Palin/Carradine show. How fun would that be?
I keep meaning to buy some Kens. Darn dolls keep getting more expensive. Even the ugly clothes are expensive. Some of my friends send me barbies, often ones they find in thrift stores. I should put out the word to send the guys instead.
Oh yes, you must, I am anxiously awaiting the Palin/Carradine show.
I changed the http://conservativesforsarahpalin.blogspot.com/ site. Waiting to see if any Palinbotts donate. Heho!
Paula, you are a constant source of laughter.
Laughter is the best medicine.
Stay well my friend.
Another idea for when you get that Ken doll
The Todd and Sarah sex video:
I just watched it from your post over at mudflats. Pretty damn funny. From Palinbots we get ignorance and mouth-frothing hatred. From the anti-Palin crowd we get twisted humor based on the woman’s own abundant shortcomings. Gotta love it.
Didn’t ‘see’ you over there and hated for you to miss it 🙂
Maybe Palin will get thyroid cancer and gain 300 pound, we’ll see how her base likes her then.
lol. I posted one comment on the 22-page thread, but was too exhausted from reading over 1000 comments to post anymore.
those babrie bitches need their own blog.
I may get around to it eventually, but this blog is enough work. With a barbie blog I would have to caption everything. That is work too. I need to organize my barbie pics, set up some special shoots, come up with all of the captions ahead of time, THEN start the blog. whew.
I don’t see a batch upload on wordpress. Maybe the paid upgrade has one.
someday, someday…
(“babrie”)
I would love to see more Barbie pics. I know that there is a book hiding behind the scenes just waiting to be discovered.
[…] I will be moving my old plastic Palin episodes over to their new home using the WordPress reblogging feature. It will take me a while to get the new blog up and running, so be patient. I have a new Arizona Bristle reality show I’m working on, but my photo program is caught in the weeks-long shift to a new computer. I did some location shots while I was in Arizona recently, but I have a lot of studio scenes to do before I can assemble the show. In the meantime, you can revisit old episodes as they appear here on the new blog, or go to the old blog to view them. In the real world, most people don't tend to give in to inappropriate impulses, such as murder and mayhem. But the plastic world of barbies is a different reality, in which there are no inappropriate behaviors. So it came to be, on a sunny day in the woods, that a group of barbies rid their reality of the tweeting twit, the ultimate Mean Girl, the poorly dressed, overly made-up, slutty-haired, ugly-shoed, blackberry-toting, empty-headed, under-th … Read More […]