Sigh. Lots of canceling and postponing going on in my life schedule. I was supposed to report for jury duty this morning. Couldn’t handle that. Postponed it to the middle of July. I had a dentist appointment later this week, plus one early next month. Just flat-out canceled those. Dentists are huge stress for me even when my stress level isn’t already over the top. A friend has a birthday party tonight. I spent a few minutes trying to talk myself into it but decided I didn’t want to bring her birthday down. Between my nonstop intense headache and my monotone responses to people, I’m not exactly the life of the party. I was also supposed to go to a bereavement support group tonight, but I decided I’m not ready to talk yet. Can’t handle it. Maybe next week. I’m worried about my noticeably increased blood pressure, so I’m not canceling my doctor appointment the first week of July. Annual checkup. Probably a good idea to make sure I’m not going to stroke out from stress.
I have not returned to my volunteer job at the Food Endeavor. I just can’t handle much people interaction right now. Most of my interaction is coming from this blog and my email. My husband is my primary support. I would be crippled without him, hiding under my pillow.
On the plus side, my husband and I are going camping this weekend. Trees, campfire, fishing. I can handle that. And my mom paid for a lovely two night stay at a hot spring resort next weekend for our wedding anniversary. More trees, husband, peace and quiet. I can definitely handle that.
Thank you to all of you for your support on this blog. Although I often don’t feel up to responding, please know that your supportive comments do help.
Forwarded from Maggie:
“Please tell the McKinseys that I am holding them in my heart.
“And that I will include their compassionate son and nephew, Nehemiah Owen McKinsey, in my favourite practice, a Burmese Buddhist one called The Formal
Meditation on Metta, that I received in February, 1970.
“If you would like me to include other members of the family, could you give me
their names, please?”
Suzanne, Evelyn, Coby, Kathleen all wrote that they would be holding him and his
family in their prayers.
Jann wrote
“We will hold him in our prayers. Clearly his heart was open to the needs of others
and even at a young age he felt called to alleviate their suffering.’
Susan wrote
“I am so sorry for the senseless loss of Nehemiah and the unbearable heartache
you must be feeling. I am thinking of you all and remembering you in my practice.
May the boundless compassion of all the Buddhas help you in your pain.”
“Nehemiah sounds like a true Boddhisattva, always doing for others. He is an
example to us all. Our hearts are saddened to hear of his loss to our troubled
society. We so need human beings like him.
Nehemiah will be in my husband’s and my prayers.”
Alison and Richard in Delaware
Forwarded from Judy W:
Let the family of Nehemiah know I will be sending him good thoughts
to him during this bardo period and remembering all of his
family.
Forwarded from Patricia
Please let Nehemiah’s family and friends know that I am holding
him and his family in my practice at such a sad and bewildering time.
Based on his actions, Nehemiah sounds like such a sensitive young
man. I am sure he will b e mourned and missed.
Thank you for the forwarded comments. I appreciate all the people praying for Nehemiah.
Forwarded from Jamuna:
“Dear family of Nehemiah,
“He is powerful and infinite. His light shines for the goodness he lived.
The kindness and consciousness for others is greatness.
Loving compassion for others is the highest grace one can hope
to achieve this lifetime. His work on this planet commenced when he
made this transistion. This one is a powerful, kind, brilliant light that
shines forever and can never be harmed. His being is inside you and
within each of us. May you know that there is one life and this life
is now and it is goodness, love, wholeness. This oneness can never be
harmed. Nehemiah is in this oneness and can never be separate from
his good for it is the very stuff he is made of. You can never truly be
separate from him for you are each a part of one another.
May your broken hearts heal and may grace, love and light guide
you on this journey. You are surrounded by love
and we are all with you.
Blessings, dear ones, Jamuna”
Forwarded from June and Frank:
“Please forward this to Nehemiah’s mother since I am not able to write
her on her blog.
“To Nehemiah’s mother,
“We send you our prayers as you stitch your life back together
around the great tear of losing your beloved son,
so worthy and beautiful a being. We also send our prayers
to Nehemiah and to all your family as you move through
the days of loss.
“with breath, heart, mind prayers,
“June and Frank in the VKR sangha”
Everyone is making me cry. These prayers and thoughts in writing are just lovely.